Jamie and Jamey: Gay Youth Bullied to Death

By Richard Ammon
GlobalGayz.com
October 2011

Yet two more teen suicides spurred on by high school bullying and harassment from peers. (Read previous blog on gay teen suicides.)

Last month, 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer killed himself in Buffalo, N.Y., after years of homophobic harassment. (photo right)

Last week in Ottowa, Canada 13 year-old Jamie Hubley took his life. He too was taunted and ridiculed, in this case because he preferred dance to football, art instead of mechanics. There is no apparent evidence that Hubley was gay or displayed homosexual tendencies in public.

But it doesn't take that to ignite an immature homophobe to action; mere suspicion, innuendo and peer presumption is enough to make a strong case against a child who is not fully 'macho' and make him an easy target for scorn and cruel language.

What is it about homosexuality that inspires hate, injury and an intent to kill? An innocent soft artsy-type of kid minding his own business is mowed down by assaultive insulting language and he succumbs? Evil is often beyond a reasonable answer. (photo left Jamie Hubley with his father)

The unseen problem in the It Gets Better crusade is that it often gets worse before better as helpless children are sucked into a maelstrom of anguish depression and turbulent confusion where it's impossible to feel assured of a less painful outcome a year or three later.

How do we take hold of a sinking fragile ego and brace it, anchor it against the terrible angst of peer scorn--often anonymous over the Internet from senders who hide--knowing their attack is shameful and cruel.

I say first and foremost yank the kid out of his or her school and transplant them to a safer place. Don't wait while your child is in pain. Find another school, a charter school, private school, home schooling, internet courses...

The second step is to fight back; mount a very public protest against the school, in newspapers, social media, radio and TV interviews condemning the hate crime of bullying.

The third is to use the force of law and court action to threaten back the individuals and system that tolerates crime. Many Catholic priests and the church itself are now under assault for tolerating child abuse. This is no different. Use the technology the internet against the perpetrators to uncover their identity and eject them from school and bring charges. Hate crime should be handled like physical assault. Identify and prosecute both the kid and their parents.

Then demand the school system mount a high awareness program against the crime and evil of bullying, compelling every student to attend assemblies where speakers and victims and bullies tell their stories. Empower kids to go public against bullies, expose them and make them the shamed ones--and then offer them and their families counseling that may hopefully change behavior by deeper understanding of the harm and crime of bullying.

Bring bullying out of it's bullied kids become the hidden closet and make it a public nuisance so that victims become victors and perpetrators become the fearful one begging for mercy--and given it.

Jamie Hubley and Jamie Rodemeyer should be alive and proud boys not motionless victims.

Read more about gay teen bullying and suicide:
-http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2011/10/21/hundreds-mourn-gay-canadian-teenager-jamie-hubley/
-http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/1073942--gay-students-endure-cycle-of-hate-in-schools
-http://www.huffingtonpost.com/toan-lam/bullied-teen-posts-it-get_b_1022753.html
-http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/a-year-after-teen-suicide-spate-more-gay-students-are-speaking-out-schools-taking-action/2011/10/22/gIQAD5rv6L_story.html
-http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/10/22/2467455/on-the-road-to-equality.html

Remembering 1912 and birth of a mild child... my father.

By Richard Ammon
GlobalGayz.com
October 13, 2011

It was 99 years ago this month that a remarkable child was born to a laborer's family in rural New Jersey. The laborer had little formal education but many manual skills; the mother stopped being a teacher to raise six children that were to come; little Roger was the second born.

He was at heart an artist but, like so many others in the first half of the 20th century, was swept by circumstance and unquestioned social customs to follow the majority into marriage and fatherhood (or war) before he really knew what he was doing or what he wanted. Personal desire or creative autonomy were not available to good young men. Rather, find an eligible pretty girl and marry and make grandchildren...

It's not what he really wanted. He preferred to listen to Beethoven, not crying babies. He would rather play his violin than sit behind an accountant's desk in a big corporation to pay a mortgage. (photo right, Roger age 5 with sisters, 1917)

Led slowly astray from his true self he was nevertheless an honest and obedient son and husband who went to college, found the girl, my mother Betty, and fulfilled his parent roles responsibly. But these did not fit well. He was never a good-enough son or a fulfilling spouse or an intimate father. How does one learn these things without someone to emulate? His father was moody and harsh and his wife frustrated and demanding (not their fault, just the way they turned out.)

He persisted as long as he could to perform but as time went on felt he was losing hold of his dreams, his self, his balance. Eventually at 51 he gave it up in the fumes of monoxide in the family garage. Lost and isolated. No one at the time really understood, partly because he did not confide his truth to anyone. It is a very sad story that no longer is told since his parents and siblings and wife are gone as well; silence smooths over the storms of an anonymous life.

But Roger's kids still remember; I remember it well and am the only one who still tells his story--my version of it. And I will be the last to tell it. One cannot recall what is not remembered and no one after me will remember, I'm sorry to say.

But that is the way of most of the world and it can't be changed. One unknown person's tragic drama is another's indifferent ignorance. The rest is silence.

So for now, this day, his birthday on October 13, I pause in the midst of my own drama of 'getting and spending' to meditate, to lament, to give thoughtful thanks for passing along Beethoven to me...

Thanks daddy.

PS: Roger's favorite uncle John was killed in World War I. Read his biography here
and his war story here.

Britain Threatens Homophobic Countries with Aid Cuts

By Richard Ammon
GlobalGayz.com
October 13, 2011

How fine is this: the British government is threatening to cut its foreign aid to homophobic countries because of their laws and treatment against LGBT citizens. If only more wealthy countries got serious about backing up their human rights standards with financial penalties we might see some serious change of policies in places like Malawi, Uganda, Ghana, Cameroon and Jamaica. These and scores of other small states make blood sport and score political points with homophobic rhetoric and organized anti-gay assaults. (photo right, UK Prime Minister David Cameron)

Such barbaric behavior is not just 'simple violence', it is a deep reflection of a society's public health, of their integrity and justice values. To treat any minority with disdain or abuse because of a superficial variation of religion, ethnicity or sexuality is a measure of the core heart of a culture. In the case of many homophobic countries this core is morally corrupt as police stand by and allow violence or blatant discrimination to occur in public, goaded on by goon squads brainwashed by their own leaders.

And not just small countries. Russia, Indonesia, China and Kazakhstan are huge societies with entrenched homophobia. This will indeed be a long culture war--but at least it is a war and not an overwhelming slaughter of helpless sheep. Against these evil forces are the 'good guys' who see cultural diversity as an asset, who see sexuality on a continuum of love. Forces led by the United Nations Human Rights Commisioner Navi Pillay who has openly declared strike-back efforts to oppose discrimination. (photo left UN Rights Commissioner Navi Pillay)

These forces also include Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, America's Human Rights Campaign, Britain's Stonewall Association, International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission, Brazil's Grupo Gay da Bahia, South Africa's constitution and hundreds of other LGBT organization around the world--including Nepal's Blue Diamond Society. Not to mention the thousands of 'foot soldiers' across the democratic world who advocate daily for equality in marriage, adoption, family rights in their city, state and country. As well, other countries such as Sweden have warned homophobic countries (i.e. Uganda) of aid cuts if homophobic laws are passed.

Now comes Britain with its heavy influence to threaten small anti-gay bullies within its commonwealth consortium with foreign aid cuts. As it should be.

Some are protesting such punitive action claiming aid cuts will hurt poor people. No doubt they will--but no less than currently as huge sums of foreign money are siphoned off by corrupt bureaucrats before they reach intended health or education programs.

If the forces of change and progress do not 'weigh in' with strong corrective measures--and money is certainly one of the strongest motivators for change--then nothing will change and ignorance and brutality will continue to persist at the hands of religious and political bigots who pretend to be leaders.

Three cheers for the Brits!

An Inspiring Lesbian Leader Has Died: Paula Ettelbrick

By Richard Ammon

GlobalGayz.com

Today is a very sad day due to the premature death of one of America's most dedicated and inspiring lesbian leaders, Paula Ettelbrick, former executive director of IGLHRC (International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission). I met Paula several times over the past decade at several international LGBT conferences as well as for some lunches. She never failed to be receptive to new ideas and respectful to people from a wide spectrum of humanity.

Her vision for the world was always upward and outward; she envisioned a better world through personal commitment to human rights everywhere by engaging in progressive activism and tireless organization building.

It's always easy to sit back and let others push the envelope of human development but Paula deeply felt the need to be a part of change. part of the future for LGBT people globally. Her vision was universal; her mission was a commitment to a more decent world.

I will always remember her pretty face and bright spirit. She will keep me moving upward and forward to a more just and equitable social world. Said she: “Justice for gay men and lesbians will be achieved only when we are accepted and supported in this society despite our differences from the dominant culture and the choices we make regarding our relationships.”

Her two children, Adam and Julia, are blessed to have such a loving and devoted mother. Indeed, Paula was a loving mother to a whole world of LGBT children growing up in difficult circumstances, helping to light their way to dignified and respected lives.

Other tributes to this fine woman:

The New Civil Rights Movement.com

LGBT/POV

New York Times

Towleroad.com

Homophobic Bullying Takes Another Teen Life

By Richard Ammon
GlobalGayz.com
September 26, 2011

Beyond grief is the loss of young Jamey Rodemeyer, only 14, whose fragile ego was finally crushed by the poison of homophobic bullying from classmates at his Williamsville North High School in upstate New York on September 20, 2011.

A child's death at any young age is tragic enough, but a deliberately targeted murder seems more horrible than an accidental or disease death. This child was clearly an innocent victim of American scripture-based discrimination against homosexuals.

Hatred in youth is inherited from hatred in parents, peers, church, school, society, government. Homophobia so devastating and pervasive among bigots that it is taken as normal, as a right of passage in high school, as a righteous act of religious ethics, as a popular political position.

Homophobia is truly a social cancer that kills children. If a manufactured product injured children or a medication were deemed harmful it would be recalled and removed from store shelves very quickly. But because so many local and federal politicians are steeped in self-declared 'legitimate scriptural views' of sex and marriage they feel homophobia is justified; based in blood-soaked Biblical-Koranic-Talmudic conditioning this killer disease remains in the public domain with no remedy in sight.

In a slight gesture toward justice (revenge is what many are calling for against the perpetrators, their parents and school officials) the local police in Amherst, NY, are investigating to determine if any hate crimes were committed against Jamey; it's hard to imagine they were not as he received anonymous (and traceable) condemnations and urgings to kill himself from schoolmates.

These bullying kids had no idea of the deadly effect of their actions, not unlike being ignorant of the risks of playing with a loaded gun; stupid on their part and irresponsible on their parents' part.

Jamey had been verbally assaulted by cyberbullies who made degrading comments with gay slurs on his Formspring account, a website that allows anonymous postings. "JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND [sic] UGLY. HE MUST DIE!" one post reportedly said. Another read, "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!"

The danger of such abuse we have known for a long time. To counter this criminal behavior the internet pro-gay 'It Gets Better' campaign has been online for over a year. Strangely, Jamey had posted his own video on YouTube that was encouraging in tone and looked beyond current problems to future promise of better times.

But something snapped in his mind within a month and he collapsed under the cruel rejection from schoolmates. Shame is one of the most painful punishments a person can endure. Many Asian and Arab gay people remain deep in the closet for fear of being shamed or bringing dishonor to their families. Other LGBT people have come out and in turn been murdered by a family member to avenge the dishonor.

Such powerful hate-and-shame-fueled homophobia is so overwhelming that it turns a loving parent or brother into a murderous family member. What switch gets flipped to turn love to hate for no apparent reason--no action, no words, no overt offense from the gay person.

And from classmates who have less bonding the curses are all the more easy to make. This is not just a personal tragedy, it's a national disgrace among those who advocate intolerance and discrimination.

Also see:
Lady Gaga dedicates song to Jamey Rodemeyer
GlobalGayz blog about teen suicides.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell--Gone, Not a Day Too Soon

By Richard Ammon
GlobalGayz.com
September 20, 2011

Another pernicious piece of discrimination and bigotry has gone under the wheels of progress, and not a day too soon.

How legislators can twist themselves and our country into illogical contortions of ignorance that blatantly violate constitutional rights with such laws as DADT, is beyond me.

But not really given so many other shameful statutes such as the DOM act that is supposed to protect straight marriage. Protect from what? DODT protect troops from what? Is sexual orientation a form of disease?
(photo: Col. Grete Cammermeyer)

DODT was a piece of legislation but it was also symbolic of how socially diseased our conservative branch of culture is, how much our much balled Christian democracy can violate all spiritual decency and secular fairness.

I am repeatedly amazed at how much supposedly cognizant, rational, 21st century legislators can be so ignorant of their own irrational, undemocratic thinking that is based on primitive, revengeful, wrathful Biblical scripture which violates modern standards of respect.

DADT crushed constitutional guarantees of equality, heaped dishonor on honorable citizens, violated bonds of brotherhood in the military--all because of bizarre Biblical ancient phrases that have no relevance in modern society.

The repeal of DADT offers a glimmer of hope that secular, truly democratic, fully constitutional thinking can trump the homophobic distortions of right-wing primitive fundamentalist thinking.

A Word About Mychal Judge, NYC Gay Priest Who Died on 9/11

By Richard Ammon
GlobalGayz.com
September 12, 2011

Many stories circulate about this Catholic clergyman, a Franciscan friar; about his past alcoholism; his down-to-earth style of ministering; chaplain for the New York Fire Department; saying mass in the local firehouse; dubbed the 'Saint of 9/11,' in a 2006 documentary; his private homosexual orientation; his friendships with homeless people, rock-and-rollers, recovering alcoholics, local politicians, and middle-aged couples from the suburbs; and his love of Irish music...

In a word, Mychal Judge was a man of cross-cultural compassion whose hazel eyes saw a person's soul and the good in each regardless of their world circumstances. A man whose ecclesiastical training was set in one doctrinal system but who embraced all doctrines. No divisions, no prejudice, no boundaries.

He was a good man in the most real sense of the word: benevolent, a person who (from Middle High German 'gatern') united differences and offered his heart to those who lost theirs or were weak in spirit.

I doubt there a better way to describe to describe Mychal Judge--or Jesus himself--two men who died before their time serving others.

Also read:
-The lesson we could all learn from the gay hero of 9/11
-More stories about Mychal Judge
-Final video footage before his death

The lesson we could all learn from the gay hero of 9/11:
Brendan Fay, a friend of the priest, said of him: "On 9/11, the one thing we can take from Mychal Judge is, in the midst of this hell and war and evil and violence, here is this man who directs us to another possible path as human beings. We can choose the path of compassion and non-violence and reconciliation. Mychal Judge had a heart as big as New York. There was room for everybody. And I think that's the lesson."